My boyfriend recently committed to doing a 5k run with me on December 31st. He has no interest in running as a pastime, and I doubt he’ll ever lace up his shoes for fun, but the idea of accomplishing a 5k is really important to him, so he’s going for it. Last night, we did 4.25k, at a 2 minute run/1 minute walk pace. Way to go, Frenchie!
But last night, as I drove down the DVP to meet him, I experienced an attitude shift. I was stressing over my monthly cashflow, as per usual, when all of a sudden I thought, “what am I doing?!“ This isn’t who I am. I’m a “make some lemonade out of those life lemons” type of girl. I am NOT a victim.
I’ve been pretty bummed the past month. Every time I needed to buy something essential, like groceries or gas, I’d cringe and check my new account balance the second I got home. I stopped exercising as much. I wasn’t eating as well as I should’ve been, because I didn’t want to overspend. I made detailed spreadsheets and pored over them, searching for a solution to magically solve everything. My health, physical and mental, suffered.
“The only constant is change.” – Heraclitus
The objective truth is that I’m genuinely doing my best. I correctly identified that my car is actually a huge liability and a detractor from my overall networth and well being. So even though I have to live with that decision for the next couple of months before selling (typically, you get a better price in the spring), it will get better. I have refused to accept the nonstop auto expenses, and I am taking action to prevent further loss. IT WILL GET BETTER, because I am actively generating solutions to make it so. If my boss refuses to let me part with a vehicle, I’ll start getting imaginative. Can we say scooter, anyone?
I wish that selling my car was the key to my unending happiness. But there will ALWAYS be something that’s bugging me that I’ll be trying to improve. Once my car is sold, the next thing I want to target is ***the future*** I’ve already decided that I’d like to leave Toronto in either 2013 or 2014. But I also am keen on getting out of the whole “assistant” thing and starting to leverage my skills in a more managerial (and higher paid) position. If you’ve met me, you’ll know that I am a time management freak, who plans things down to the minute. I’m an intellectual who likes to read and learn. I love to “host” people and make them feel happy and comfortable. I like fast-paced, exciting challenges. I’m not necessarily sold on the whole 9 to 5 thing either. I love to write and be creative.
In short, I am your typical early twenty-something, still bursting with ambition and desire to be appropriately utilized.
I’m happy to remain where I am for the next two to three years. I’m treated very well, the pay is good, and on quiet days like today I can pen a quick post.
But there will come a time when I start to go stircrazy yet again, and will start craving change, and I will start chasing a life that best suits where I want to be, geographically and professionally.
The moral of the story is that it is a very good thing that I’m constantly evolving my life to reflect my needs and emotional state. Selling my car is just one of the rungs on a ladder. The Ironman is another rung. Moving to a new city/smaller town will be another. In order to be happy, I’ll have to be constantly in motion, and that will mean giving objects and relationships a constant reexamination.