Like an addict, this week I returned to my old worrying ways with a vengeance. The unpleasantness surrounding my pay raise, in addition to my board dues, coupled with having to pay the piper for my ski trip means that I am going to have to use my credit card to help me limp from this month to the next. I get paid on a biweekly basis … my next paycheque will reflect my new raise, but that’s not for another 10 days. What this means is that I’ll have $80 cash in my chequing account from now until February 10th. Not good. I’m pretty much putting myself on a spending freeze with the exception of groceries and other essential items, which I will use my credit card to purchase.
So of course, what do I start to do? Well, worry worry worry of course. What if I can’t catch up with how much is coming out of my bank account and I have to go into my emergency fund? What about my taxes, I can’t take anything out of my emergency fund, especially because I think I may owe tax this year and my emergency fund is so small that I”m going to potentially need every penny? What if, what if, what if.
Oh, and none of this has happened yet, but I’m living in fear as if it already has.
Again, I just need to breathe, centre, and remember that everything is going to be okay. I haven’t starved yet, I have all the things I need, I spend time with my friends and I have embarked on a new relationship. I don’t have any debt, the raise is going to have a huge impact on my finances, and every day I get closer to my goal of paying off the car by December 31st 2011.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. I wholeheartedly threw myself back into worrying, and so I need to pull myself out again.
I’m going to recommence my meditation practice again (NO EXCUSES) and begin visualizing how I would feel if I had no worry whatsoever. What that would feel like, what my life would be like. I’m going to picture having enough money to do and experience whatever I want, no holds barred. It may sound kind of new-agey, but I do believe in putting yourself in a mental state to open yourself to receiving new riches. I haven’t done this in a really long time, which could be why things have gotten painfully tight lately. So I’m going to give it my best shot.
The next 10 days are going to be financially some of the tightest I’ve faced in awhile. So why worry? It’s not like it’ll do anything. I’ll handle things as they come, as I always do, and I’ll be fine.